Concentration

 

Concentration - Day 27

My concentration recently has dropped down a bit as I feel like I've just been wasting my time, so due to that, I've just recently been day dreaming about what I should do, and what I shouldn't do. The main problem isn't what I shouldn't do, it's what I should do. Because doing something, takes time, energy, and skill. And I don't usually have the time or energy, or if I'm lucky, I'll have some what an idea of what I'm doing for the skill one. I could just separate what I want to do over several days to save time and to also spread out my schedule, but for me, it just seems like I haven't completed something I was meant to complete, leading for me to spend a considerable extra amount of time to complete my task.

I recently nearly completed a video I wanted to upload, but it's now been a week and I haven't even uploaded it because I haven't finished the ending. I said and I wanted to complete the ending 5 days ago, but I've forgotten and I became too lazy to even go onto the editing software app to complete it - even though it would only take about 10 minutes to do so. I have nothing better to do, except that, but yet I choose to the thing that drains me the most, by scrolling onto YouTube and it makes me devastated and feel bad for myself. Then I realise nearly everything else I have to do, and that makes me stressed out, leading to me having an attitude that I'm nearly burnt out, even though I've barely done anything. It's just mainly the motivation that I'm lacking in.

I wished that I could just be able to do anything I wanted to do, like editing the videos I wanted to edit and make; and even with my brother telling me what to do, it just doesn't give me motivation, as for me to make a new video, I must complete the previous one, which I haven't completed on what I said above. I'm sort of now in a loop cycle in which I lose my concentration, motivation, and my passion to do stuff, due to other stuff that I have a passion for, losing my concentration on the previous one, and losing my motivation slowly over time as I feel bad for myself.

But at least now, I am sort of happy due to what I have accomplished now. I have accomplished typing for today, even though I haven't typed in the past few weeks ( which I WAS supposed to type for ), and now this is the first one I've done this month. I've also got a new laptop, in which I have to start paying for, and so that is why I am continuing with my diary series, "A story a day, keeps the boredom away", but I feel like I've drifted away from that meaning now, as now it just feels like I've lost all my imagination to type anything at all. Everything I type about is pretty much rinse and repeat. It gets boring, it gets repetitive, it gets sickling. But now with this new typing method that I have given myself - a first person perspective typing method -, I believe I can type much more efficient and much more creatively as I would have if I was just typing in third person, and also that I feel that I am narrate more better and more understanding if I type this way.

I've now set a new goal for my writing day. I'll be trying to exceed 500 words a day - even up to 1000 if I have enough to talk about and enough motivation. This will be a hard challenge, but I believe with more time that I'll give myself typing; as I have a rough schedule between my homework, school, extra class, and chores, I'll be able to give myself more time in the day to write more. I don't really have much else to write about or talk about and so I hope you are able to take a few stuff from this story I've been having for the time being that I've been away, and maybe in the later stories I'll start writing about my new interests in certain games, certain editing styles, and maybe also extra hobbies that I find fun in and that I have actual skill in, instead of me just playing horribly having no fun. It's been quite a wild journey for this writing journey and I am pretty thankful about the opportunity for me to do this, as I found blogger, I was able to start writing my own stories, about my own character, about my own experiences. Even though I may not get any views or anything, I'll be able to look back on what I've wrote down and maybe gain extra stuff from myself, about the stuff I may have forgotten.

I hope this was a quick summarisation of what I have been going through for the past few weeks and I believe that this will help me get more motivation for the stuff I'll have to start doing more frequently and for my DofE trip. Thanks for reading.